10.6.08

Driving Ice



The phone rings and I imagine you getting up from your chair in the next room and coming over to the phone. As you see my name light up in bright blue, you hesitate to pick up the phone. I know you want to but you choose to make me wait. Give me something to worry about. This makes me peel over in my fire.

This makes you feel something that you can't quite explain to yourself or anyone, but you like this powerful feeling. I admit that I like you feeling this too, that is why I keep offering myself up as a sacrifice. You never knew that you were a sadist did you?

Did you ever think for moment that perhaps you are doing everything that I ordered up with a red pencil. I want you to forget about me and then remember me, like you seem to do so well. I expect this, I demand it. I want you to ignore my letters, then pick and choose a moment for me. At least I know when you decide to put your finger on me that you have really thought long and hard about me. For this I bend over. For this I am here for you on my knees. Like you said you wanted me.

This feeling of being put on your hold leaves the excitement of your horrible beauty lingering for days. Weeks. Months. Please continue to make me feel this cold with your ice... then right when I am going to freeze over remind me again of why I love you with a warm whisper.